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Pregnancy After Miscarriage.
Pregnancy after miscarriage.
Happiness.
Fear.
Joy.
Anxiety.
Surprise.
These are just some of the emotions I felt after learning that I was pregnant after having a miscarriage… and let me tell you what a roller coaster of emotions it has been. Following my miscarriage in 2016 (click here to read my story), I wanted so badly to get pregnant again. I wanted to show my body that I could have another baby and I yearned to be a family of 5. Initially, my husband was not on board as he was scared from the miscarriage and for my health (as was I). As a result, we decided not to try. Then we decided to not “try” while at the same time not “not trying” (if that makes sense). After three years passed, I honestly lost hope that I would get pregnant again. But that all changed August 8, 2019.
Keeping Track…
Let me just say that when it comes to keeping track of my cycle, I am on top of it. I keep everything (and I mean everything) related to my cycle in a separate calendar. So when I was one day “late” I mentioned it to my husband but decided not to worry. Then 1 day turned to 2, which turned to 3, then 4, then 5 and at the point I looked at my calendar and put everything together. It couldn’t be… could it? I mean I was under a lot of stress so maybe that was it… right? But being an over thinker, I knew I had to take a pregnancy test sooner rather than later or else I would just stress over it.
Test Time…
So on August 8, 2019, I decided to buy the pregnancy test and take it. I made sure my husband was home because last time I took a pregnancy test, he wasn’t and I eventually had a miscarriage (an irrational fear I know… but rational for me). I also made sure my daughters were asleep when I took the test because I didn’t want them to see what I was doing or ask questions about whatever emotions would surface. When I saw the two lines indicating a positive test, I was overcome with happiness but that was quickly overshadowed by fear and nervousness as flashbacks of my last pregnancy surfaced. As always, my husband is the calm to my storm and calmed me down as we focused on the happy news.
The next day, I couldn’t wait to drop the girls off at school so that I could call my OB to make an appointment. I wanted so badly to go the same day and get an immediate visual confirmation of the pregnancy… but I knew that was not possible since I was only 5 weeks. I had to wait till I was 8 weeks. Needless to say, the following three weeks would be the longest 3 weeks EVER!!!
Immediately, I switched to healthier habits and kept myself busy to minimize the chances of me overthinking. Additionally, I was cautious with everything I did for fear of jeopardizing the pregnancy. At the same time, I was making sure to hide the news from everyone, especially my daughters (I didn’t want the news leaked too early). With all of my pregnancies, I have waited till I was past the 12 week mark before sharing the news. But throughout the entire time, I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions.
The Big Day…
When the day of my confirmation appointment came, I was beyond nervous. My appointment was first thing in the morning as I could not wait a second longer. When I entered the doctor’s office, I could feel my blood pressure rise as flashbacks of my last visit played in my head… you know the visit where I was 10 weeks pregnancy and they told me that my baby had no heartbeat. As I waited for them to call my name, I sat there and focused on breathing. I needed to bury the negative memories. The roller coaster of emotions that comes with pregnancy after miscarriage was going full force. They needed to go to the back of my head so I can be present in the moment.
When they called my name I basically jumped out of my seat. The medical assistant took all of my vitals (which, not surprisingly, showed my blood pressure to be high) and updated my information. Then the doctor walked in. After a routine conversation and examination, it was time for the big moment… the ultrasound.
Things Don’t Go As Planned…
Unfortunately, the ultrasound did not go as smoothly as I hoped. Because of my two previous c-sections, the doctor had a hard time getting a good picture to confirm the pregnancy. After what seemed like an hour (in reality it was probably only 5 minutes), she told me she would give me an appointment to return the next day so that the ultrasound technician could do the ultrasound. My heart dropped to my stomach and everything stood still as all of the emotions and fears returned. I was then told that they would check my blood pressure again because it was high at the beginning of the appointment. While I understood their concern (I had gestational hypertension with my little one and delivered her at 36 weeks), I knew it was going to be higher because of the stress and sure enough it was.
My OB then instructed me to go to my primary care doctor so that another physician could check my blood pressure. However, by the time I got to my primary care doctor’s office, my blood pressure was even higher (again… not a surprise)! They did an EKG and fortunately everything was normal. My primary care then consulted with a cardiologist who recommended that because of my history with gestational hypertension, I be put on a blood pressure medicine and seen the the next day.
The Next 24 Hours…
The next 24 hours would be filled with the roller coaster of emotions that come with pregnancy after miscarriage, especially anxiety. I could not wait for the next day for the second ultrasound which will confirm the pregnancy. Also, I wanted to see what the cardiologist would say.
First up was the OB appointment. Fortunately, the technician was able to get a good picture and confirm the pregnancy. The weight was off of my shoulder and I couldn’t be happier.
Next was my cardiologist appointment. As if I needed anything else to stress about, while sitting in the waiting room my mother called me and I knew something was wrong. She was hysterical crying because my cousin was rushed to the operating room. He had a collapsed lung and the outcome did not look good. Immediately after hanging up the phone, I was called into the exam room and my blood pressure was taken. As you can guess, it was high. Besides that, the rest of my exam was normal. I was told to keep taking the medication and then some routine bloodwork and tests were ordered just to confirm there were no other issues to worry about.
What A Start…
Needless to say, my first trimester started with lots of excitement. The excitement continued when I was diagnosed early on with gestational hypertension and gestational diabetes. Add this to my age and auto immune disease and you have a high risk pregnancy, which I am ok with because I get extra attention. The extra attention actually helps calm my anxiety and fears… and I need all the help I can get! So with dietary changes, more exercising and trying to hide the pregnancy from my daughters (especially the occasional morning sickness symptoms like vomiting), the rest of my first trimester was relatively smooth.
Pregnancy After Miscarriage
Pregnancy after miscarriage is definitely not easy. You must be ready physically and emotionally (click here for more info). The fear of having a miscarriage is always in the back of my mind, especially in the first trimester. But how I choose to overcome that fear is by changing my mindset, staying positive and focusing on the present. It is not easy, but I know it must be done to have a healthy pregnancy. Check out the American Pregnancy Association for information that
What are some other tips you have to keep a positive mindset after miscarriage?
My name is Michelle and I am the wife of the hardest working man I know, the Mami of 3 beautiful and AMAZING girls and a Pathologists’ Assistant turned Stay at Home Mami turned Mompreneur of not one… or two… but three businesses! I am super excited to share my experiences and learn from you. As women/moms/entrepreneurs, we must stick together and support each other!
